Is it just me… or is Christmas the absolute worst time out of the WHOLE YEAR to be single? Halloween? I’ll manage. New Years? A glass of champagne and I’ll kiss a stranger (if he’s cute) 🥂. But Christmas? You might as well shoot me in the foot or lock my head in a guillotine. If it’s not seeing your relatives that constantly ask when you’re going to meet a nice man and start having babies… It’s seeing your friends as they do meet nice men and start having babies! For a single pringle, Christmas just ain’t the marry-est (get it?) of seasons at times…
But needn’t you fret. I’ve been there done that. And though I am not single this Christmas… I was last year, and guess what? It didn’t SUCK. So that’s why… over my many years having Christmas for one, I’ve developed my own coping strategies to avoid crying into a bucket of Ben and Jerry’s at the end of every holiday party. Now, I’m not saying that won’t still happen… because it does. (And those emotions are totally valid and do not make you weak or pathetic, like you may be fearing.) But I know that if you follow some of these tips, you hopefully won’t feel like that all the time.
1. Have Confident Conversation
To be honest with you… it’s impossible to avoid being asked about your relationship status by family and friends. Unless you privately ask someone to give your party group a briefing on what to say and what not to say to you. But do you really want to be that girl? No 🙅🏼♀️. Your only other choice is to walk in with confidence and feel proud that you’re there by yourself. You may not feel this way on the inside, but you can trick your own mind and others that your confident in your singleness with your body language.
Body language is everything. Confident body language will give you power of the conversation and how you want it to go. For example, if you’re fidgety and avoiding eye contact when Aunt Suzy asks “Why are you waiting so long to get hitched?”, she has conversational control over what question to ask next. But if you’re in a power stance, you are on equal playing field with Aunt Suzy and can not only answer her question with confidence, but interject with a new topic of where you wish to see the conversation go 😘.
2. Read an Empowering Book
I find when you’re filling your heart and soul with knowledge and something other than thoughts of loneliness, you’re much less likely to get weighed down by sad emotions. For me, I’m both sarcastic and love candid, hard hitting reads… I commonly switched between my self-help dating BIBLE (aka the book every female NEEDS to read, get the e-book here). And the classic, but raw page turner, Loveology (aka the one Christian book that talks about SEX and LOVE how it should be spoken about)!
Ironically, reading books about love, sex and dating actually made me feel empowered and less hopeless during the Christmas season. It could be the fact these books are top sellers, meaning that millions of people are reading them too… making me feel less alone. Or it’s possibly because they helped change my mindset and attitude toward the whole single thing… Either way, they’re worth the read!
3. Treat Yo’ Self
Self care shopping anyone? I mean… you’re already buying gifts for everyone else, right? It’s not a forever fix, but sometimes retail therapy is the way to go. As long as you’re not wracking up your line of credit (that could make you more depressed 😬)… a quick shopping spree never hurt anyone. This is by no means to be used in replacement of soul searching, healing efforts- as those will always prevail over material goods! However, when you’re investing some time and money into yourself, you will find you might feel shiny and new and ready to take on the world with some pep in your step. And sometimes, although what woman doesn’t want a closet to kill, spending your dime on assets that can develop into a new hobby might be your best choice! That way, in the long run… you have something you can skill build with, giving you more longevity out of your purchase than a new pair of shoes 👠.
4. Be the Best Version of You
The best way to not let others (or yourself) get you down, is living your best life! I found when I was single, one of the most rejuvenating activities I could do for myself was to exercise. YAWN. CLICHÉ. But wait- hear me out. When I’m pumping weights (because running is death) I was able to not only let out the anger I felt toward my relationship status, but the endorphin rush left me feeling energized. Yep… There were times where I would be deep squatting and literally bawling at the same time, both because of the burn and being lonely, but I felt so much better afterward. I could look in the mirror and think “Hey. I did something for me today!” So, whether it’s working on your fitness, pampering yourself with a new look, or taking that class you’ve always wanted to try… Do something that is going to better yourself and give you more confidence in who you are without a companion.
5. Surround Yourself With Support
You may be single, but you’re truly not alone. Even if it’s just ONE person in your life that GETS YOU… know that they will have your back when you need encouragement. I’m super close with my family, especially my mom 🙌🏼. She was (and still is) my sounding board, I can go to get with anything and feel supported. Plus, Christmas is really not about gifts and parties… it’s about connecting. Let people into your heart, even if they’re not your dream guy. The moment you choose to isolate yourself is when you’ll let the mean reds set in… and that’s not good for anyone.
And if you really are afraid of approaching someone in person for support, dive into my online community where you can chat with me and other love enthusiasts through comment threads or direct messages… Feel like you’re apart of something 💞.
If none of these tips help, the last thing you could try is asking Santa for a boyfriend this Christmas… But all jokes aside, you do not need anyone to complete your perfect holiday. All you need is to remember that you strong when you embrace your vulnerability… and that you are made for love!